Smoker smoked by lightning

The bold print at the top of the page said: “Strange and interesting news”. I’m always on the lookout for anything strange and interesting, so I thought I’d take a peek.

One news item that caught my eye bore the headline, “Smoking man zapped by lightning”.

Great, more ammunition for the anti-smoker brigade. Bad enough that smoking is pointed to as the cause of everything from lung cancer to heart disease to losing at tiddly-winks; now the fanatics will be coming out with studies that show smokers are at greater risk of being struck by lightning than non-smokers.

John F. Banzhaf the turd, from ASH (Action on Smoking and Health), will be issuing a press release proclaiming that: “God is on our side”. Smoking related deaths will jump by 30% within the week.

All because some silly fool got struck by a bolt from the blue.

Apparently, a Florida man, Adam Rice was holding a cigarette out the window of an apartment when he was struck on the hand by lightening. .

Mr. Rice told reporters: “All of sudden it sounded like fireworks go off, just loud pops, like, constantly. The whole house lit up blue and I got zapped on my hand”. Rice said he could feel the electricity leave through his feet after it went through his body. “Next thing I know my body felt like I stuck a fork in an outlet”. Uh-huh.

The brief (less than 200 words) article is, indeed, strange and interesting.

But the strangest things about the article were the questions left in the reader’s mind and the comments from readers.

For example, just why in the hell was the guy holding a cigarette out the window? Was the cigarette lit?

One reader suggested he may have been looking for a light. Huh? Like, maybe he couldn’t find a Bic to flick, so he perched on the windowsill, stuck his hand (firmly clutching his fag) out the window and started yelling, “Come on lightning.” Man, that’s the kind of nicotine fit you don’t need.

Another reader commented that, if he needed a light that badly, he could have used a toaster.

I’ve used that technique myself, on occasion. A word of warning, however, in case you’re ever confronted with a similar situation; do not put the cigarette in your mouth and then try to light the fag by placing it against the element in the toaster. It gives a whole new meaning to the term “Hot Lips”.

One reader wanted to know just how this guy knew what it felt like to stick a fork in an electrical outlet? Smart ass.

One un-sympathetic commenter wrote: ”Just another dumb smoker. Like they always say, smokers suck butts, no matter what the risks”.

To which another, who may or may not have been the unfortunate soul lit up by the lightning bolt, responded: “You’re a loser. First off, I was smoking out the window so my stuff doesn’t smell and I was trying to respect my roommate .And, another thing, nobody deserves to be struck by lightning, moron”. (Quote edited for grammar and spelling)

He’s right, of course. No one should make fun of someone who wound up smoking, just because he wanted a smoke. I hope his roommate appreciated his sacrifice.

Still . . . I wonder if he got his light?